HITLER CHEATS at RISK

It's a lovely Saturday afternoon, my five year old daughter asks me, "Dad what can we do this afternoon?" I take a quick check at the thermometer outside the house...-35 below without the Windchill.

Hmmm....board game, yep that's it. I sort through all the Milton Bradley and Parker Brothers errata from years gone by when there it is...gleaming like a lost treasure in its tin, circular, special collectors edition glory...RISK. The Game of Global Domination.

This one game above all others I hold singly responsible in my youth as the most efficient weapon to exact my small and fleeting superiority against my brothers.

"No one can hold Asia you say? Suck on this......I'm caching for 42 armies, and I have all the territory cards for them too.....so that's 6 extra armies you whiny Bolshevik.."

But I digress.

What I know for Sure is this! Hitler cached in his cards last round and now he's caching again. There is NO WAY he had five cards in his hand, and Einstein is too busy looking at his watch to bother to get in the argument.

Normally I wouldn't complain but he's amassing armies in Siam, and my little girl hold's all of Australia (after all it IS the easiest to defend, even if you are a 5 year old).

So I bring up the fact that he didn't have those cards in his hand last turn, and he just goes on saying that, ".... Southern Europe, and the Ukraine were historically parts of my empire and if you don't like it you can piss off..."

Now sometimes I just let things go, but honestly he was being kind of an ass so on my turn I put all my cached armies on one country and ran them in the tried and true "suicidal spearhead maneuver" - (you know the one, the newbie tactic that always seems to work though it shouldn't cuz by some twist of fate the attacker suddenly starts rolling all 6's).

I topped it off with a sarcastic remark, "kinda like The Battle of the Bulge eh? Except by the looks of this one...you're totally screwed, and my 5 year old daughter is going to eat you alive from Australia when I'm done!"

There was an abrupt silence and then: BLAM! A Pencil right in the shoulder! Freaking Hitler threw a pencil at me! Bastard, what the hell! There was also a lot of what I'm guessing was cussing in German....when my little girl looks at me and says, "is the game over daddy?"

I look at her and say, "Yes little one, Yes, I think it is.....

In the end I guess I should have known it would all end badly. I should have listen to Einstein, he just wanted to play "Kerplunk".

First Post: You have to start somewhere.

 

Yes this is a wrist rest. Usually it lies there attached to the rest of your keyboard unassumingly defending your unappreciative wrist from the nightmarish pains of carpel tunnel. This I know for sure. What I also know, that you probably didn't... is that this wrist rest, (and by that I mean mine and NOT yours) may have in fact created the universe. I say that with some certainty, as logically if my wrist rest created the universe, then yours obviously could not have....there being only one universe and all. I even checked up the definition on http://www.dictionary.com/ and Universe by definition means basically 'everything turned into one"...so if your sitting there thinking that your wrist rest created the universe, then obviously not only do you have some serious scientific and mathematical hurdles to leap, but also basic english has escaped you...OK...moving on. My wrist rest created the Universe! Wonderful! Great! Now that the truth is finally out, don't bother trying to disprove it otherwise quantify meaning in it...............maybe just chill, order in some pizza and watch some reruns of Three's Company or something. After all, look around your life, your home, your job, your old highschool yearbook....obviously the Universe does have a sense of humor